floating (at first) feels
core melting away
the essence: me
never truly there.
demons old, demons new
if they die
Spring is often a time of clearing. For some it’s about lightening the load; for others, about making space for new. Maybe there’s a bit of both. Regardless, as much as we want to clear out what doesn’t serve us any longer, it can still require a great deal of courage and strength.
In the spring of 2016, I found myself faced with more big questions about how I wanted my life to feel, and how much I had to actively work (vs. surrender) to move it in that direction. Part of that exploration for me was about asking the question: how much do I really need?
How much did I want to carry, literally and figuratively, into my future?
One fateful Wednesday, our local garbage and recycling vehicles hauled away the contents of a large, gray, Rubbermaid bin that I had moved countless times, across the country even.
It’s contents? Numerous journals (some filled, some barely touched), scrapbooks, photo albums (much of which were available electronically).
Regardless of the format, it was nostalgia touched only when a move was imminent. Much of this captured past was also quite unpleasant: journals filled with negative thoughts, rants and raves about this and such job, that and such relationship. But there was also that occasional happy photo, or that dance competition award, which at the time of my scarce viewings was enough to keep me toting the bin around. The fear that my poor memory required these tokens to access anything from my past, kept me attached to this heavy pile of “stuff”.
But in 2016, I was still shedding. I put my energy into trusting that my memories could be accessed whenever I liked, if I just slowed down and quieted myself enough to allow them to float back into my consciousness. I wanted to buy and live with fewer things, to think less about my task list. That spring, I placed my focus on how I felt, and how I wanted to feel in the future.
I’m still practicing. Surrendering to ends doesn’t just happen once.
To manifest our best life–which looks different for everyone–there’s always spring cleaning to do. Sometimes it’s physical, other times it’s mental or emotional (e.g. forgiveness). What do you need to clear for yourself this spring?